just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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