My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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