waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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