So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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