Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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