If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
