you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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