only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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