worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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