I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
