i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
