dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
