if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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