I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize