I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
