I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
