went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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