can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
