jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
