so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
