I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
