dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
