if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
