i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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