i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
