She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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