And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As shirtless as possible
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
