I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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