So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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