Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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