can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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