My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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