Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
