I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
