I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
