I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
