I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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