Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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