I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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