Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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