whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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