Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
