I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
