that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
