You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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