If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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