if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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