So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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