I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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