I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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