sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
