You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
