i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
