We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
