She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
