It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
