'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
