Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
