I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
