Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
