I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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