You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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