I didn't shave. On purpose
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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